For about three years, I had a rose quartz heart key chain on my keys. It seemed to be a perfect counterweight to the rest of my keys, and every time I saw it, I smiled. Ever since I was a little girl, and especially since the passing of my Grandpa, I’ve had an affinity for crystals. I think, in some ways, they help me feel closer to him. So, for those unaware, rose quartz is known as the stone of universal love. It is said to restore trust and harmony in relationships, encouraging unconditional love. It is also purported to purify and open the heart at all levels to promote love, self-love, friendship, deep inner healing and feelings of peace. Goodness knows that when that keychain came into my possession, I was in dire need of all of those things.
It was handy to have around too, because that was an incredibly hard time in my life. I was learning lessons slower than life was throwing them at me, and honestly, felt like I was drowning most days. I was neck deep in the process of learning how to ask for help and support, swallowing my pride and letting others in. So that little one inch by one inch pink shaped stone served as something to strive for, to love and let love in.
Slowly, much slower than I would have liked actually, I learned some of the lessons life had been throwing at me. During those years, I learned how to voice my needs and trust that they would be met. I was reminded about how short life is, and how we never really know when our last encounter with someone will be. In the process of learning, I received confirmation that time truly is our most precious commodity, and that once it’s spent, we can’t get it back. I had learned that the walls I had erected to protect myself were also causing me to feel isolated and lonely. With the walls in shambles due to the unrelenting blows dealt by life, I emerged from the rubble. As I looked around, I realized I had people I could call upon when I was grief stricken, friends who would willingly enter the battlefield between my heart and my mind, and those who would just sit with me when words and the weight seemed too much. I think of those beautiful souls as my lighthouses, and have told them such, as they were gentle guiding lights for me and I will be forever grateful.
In May of 2019 while sitting at work, that lovely stone cracked in three. It wasn’t cold, nor had it been dropped. Native American lore is that when a crystal breaks, it’s a sign that you have worked through a phase of your life’s journey and that it signifies that you may be ready to release that energy. That night, I joined a few friends in an artistic evening of henna drawing and mentioned that it had broken. One of the thirds was still very much attached to my keys, and a dear friend took it upon herself to glue my heart back together. The symbolism was hard to miss, and though the cracks were still visible, it seemed to hold more positive power.
Almost a year to the day, again while at work and without warning that beautiful mended heart broke once more. This time, it was no longer attached to my keys at all and it was in four pieces. I took a picture of it and sent it to my friend who had repaired it before. I then posted the picture on Facebook with the caption “Almost exactly a year ago, my heart broke- cracked in three. I saw friends later that day, and it was glued back together. It was imperfect, chipped and clearly worn, the cracks easily seen and felt, but it was made whole again. Looking at it now, broken in four, the metaphor is hard to ignore.”
I gathered the four pieces and placed them in a tiny ziplock bag. My sweet friend was more than willing to put it back together again, and I got the pieces to her the next time we saw one another. I had honestly considered returning the stone to the earth, thinking that maybe it had served its purpose and I was ready to move forward. However, knowing how beneficial it was to have a physical representation of the support I had available had been to me, I liked the idea of it being mended once more.
I also knew that I would miss having a crystal on my keys, so I set out to find a new stone. I settled on a malachite heart, as I’ve always been drawn to the swirling green properties. Malachite is a stone of balance, abundance, manifestation and intention and it is often called the stone of transformation. It is said to be used for deep energy cleaning, bringing healing and positive transformation to the wearer. That seemed like a fairly logical next step and so it became mine. It was much smaller than the rose quartz and didn’t quite have the same counterweight benefit, but it made me smile none the less.
About three weeks ago, I noticed that it was gone. Unceremoniously it left my life, with no break or crack and no idea where it had run off to. All that was left behind was the ring and chain it had previously been attached to. I thought of all that I had a accomplished in the months of having it: five state licenses (Life, SIE, Series 6, 63 and 65), moving into a place of my own, cultivating peace and having the courage to grow. How could I not smile and thank that little green heart for its time?
Last week, while having a rough time with my leg, I found myself up at my friend’s house. Her husband tended to my leg, massaging it, trying to convince it to like me again. While he was providing care to my leg, she was back in her craft room once again mending my heart. I had honestly forgotten about it, and had to laugh at seeing it again.
If I thought it was chipped and imperfect before, I don’t know what I’d call it now. In some ways, it reminds me of Kintsugi, the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold. The idea is that by embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art. This little pink heart of mine is well loved, bumpy, chipped, more cloudy than I recall it being initially and it’s missing some pieces. The most notable vacancy is in the center on one side, little triangular piece, that appears about half as deep as the whole.
This heart that’s endured so much won’t live on my keys any more, but it will take up residence in my home once again. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to learn, meet and experience what or who could fill that missing piece.